As
you may have noticed… there was a rather large gap in the posts over
the last few months. 6 months to be exact. ( I am writing this in
November and post-dating it). To be honest I have been dreading writing
this post but its time if I want to keep my family, friends and loved
ones in the loop. I have to swallow my pride and just get it out there
so the healing can start to really set in. SO without further adue here
is the big news… Timmy and I are getting a divorce. For reals. Now there
has been talk about it between the two of us for quite a while now. We
tried various therapy options both together and separately and the only
thing it did was show us that the best thing for us was to be apart.
There was an incredible amount of soul search we both explored together.
And after what seemed like an eternity we could identify and agree on
what we needed as individuals and a couple. And we tried. I need to
apologize to you all because for years I have made our life at home and
the marriage we had seem like it was all butterfly kisses and sunshine.
And honestly it was very far from that. Although I must admit we were a
great team and got a lot accomplished as individuals and as parents in
the last 13 years. However as a couple, companions and confidants we
both lacked for the other quite a bit. It wasn’t until the stresses in
life actually dissipated that we took a step back and told each other
that we were unhappy. Beyond unhappy actually… I think we both used the
word miserable. There was no sunshine in our home besides the smiles of
the little girls we made together. And we are both incredibly thankful
everyday that these little miracles happened. But it was time to let the
hurt go. Neither of us could live with the sad and angry hearts we
harbored. The split came the night before our anniversary in July when
we looked at each other and knew it was over. For the sake of ourselves
and our children it was done. Within a week we had found Timmy a new
home about a mile and a half from mine. His landlord is actually my high
school art teacher who helped me get a summer art scholarship one year.
It’s interesting how life works.
I
will spare you the nitty gritty details but here it is in a nutshell: I
am embarrassed. I didn’t want to admit I was a failure (this is not a
whoa is me statement just the god’s honest truth). I don’t like to cry. I
didn’t want to be wrong. But I can tell you that it’s what needed to
happen. I don’t want to pretend anymore. I want to be happy. And I want
Timmy to be happy. We need to celebrate life and everything that’s
beautiful within it and show that to the girls. And we were never on the
same level… never will be.
Things
so far are remaining positive and neutral. Kaitlynn and Olivia are
still spending time at both homes which involves a lot of travel for me
but it’s worth it not to have increased care costs. My parents have been
so supportive in the process and it is blinding how much they care for
me. The girls have been able to see them and the other side of the
family just as much as they had before as well. It’s such a relief. A
weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The stress while it’s still
present in other ways is nowhere near as harmful. I had a twitch in my
right eye for the past year. It’s gone. Legitimately gone. Poof! All
that negativity is gone… even when we get into a conversation that heats
up I have to take a breath and agree to disagree… I won’t live that way
anymore. I feel like my wings have been un-bound and it’s time to
finally fly. I won’t be steady at first but with the continued love and
support from my most treasured friends and family I am certain I can
soar…. I love you all very much… and thanks for not giving up on me.
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